August 22, 2008
I tried cyber again last night. We set up a scene but as it evolved the guy revealed just how rough he wanted me to be on him. Following his lead took me to places where I’d never been before. I did my best for him. I get off watching a guy let his demons out – letting them possess him for a while; we all need that. Still, I found some of it scary and in the long run it left bad taste in my mouth.
August 14, 2008
After getting myself all hot and bothered and looking forwards to some hot cyber, last night turned out to be a real bust. Try as I might, all I could elicit from the bottoms were more or less monosyllabic sexual onomatopoeia. This might be ok real time, it’s very boring cyber.
August 14, 2008
It’s late. I’m tired. And yet some hormone secretion, drips into my blood: Get off tonight, it’s urgent. Give it full rein, uncontrolled ….. and fuck tomorrow; don’t answer the phone in the morning, and later in the afternoon when you sober up, think up some lie; cuz you sure can’t say say you were mugged by your hardon last night, and you sure can’t say you cyberFucked last night. And you sure can’t say you drank yourself silly and poppered your brain into oblivion – one hand on the keyboard and the other on your dick – your pants around your knees, typing literary prose like aaaaggggghhhhh. But at this late hour, that’s what you want – isn’t it?
Yeah, and once is not enough… you want to keep going, do it over and over till the sun comes up. Daylight hurts midnight eyes. I love the dark, the dark were I can be …… Myself? I have to laugh, cuz tonight it’s so fucking serious and tomorrow … I’ll feel guilty about how silly I was last night.
What was I thinking?